Women Shouldn't Suffer in Silence

As women, our voice is our power. To speak our truth, tell our stories, and find our voice is how we heal. Staying in silence oppresses us and limits our power. It honors the abuse or the abuser, but not the dignity of the female.

The premise of NuShu Sisters is to create a sisterhood where we can support one another by sharing our stories. We want to give you a space to share your story and offer supportive comments.

You matter.

Even if someone has communicated you are insignificant or an object to be used. We want you to know you are a beautiful, smart, powerful female. Recover yourself by finding your voice with a caring, safe person or in the space below.

Please, no real names in your stories.

Chat it up.

Boundaries for Beauties!

Hello Beautiful Women!

Here's some thoughts in how to hold on to our strength and beauty. Develop healthy boundaries.

As women we are taught to say "Yes" to a lot when we really should be saying "No."  We often have to learn how and what to say "No" to. In working with women, I often hear the responses of why they didn't say "No." Often it was because they, "didn't want to hurt someone's feelings," or "didn't know how to say No,” and the most popular response is, "I didn't know what I was saying 'No' to." When the mistreatment is hidden and difficult to identify but you are often walking away feeling confused, small, or frustrated, this is called covert abuse or emotional manipulation.

We get to say NO to being:

- ignored

- mistreated

- defined (told who we are)

- bullied (other people's values imposed on us and run over)

- used for another person's gain at our expense and without our permission

- disrespected

- manipulated

- countered (argued or corrected with what you feel and need)

- judged

- misrepresented

- intentionally confused

- talked down to

- compared to

- ridiculed

- shamed

- deceived

- criticized

I like to use the 1, 2, 3 approach.

#1 Easy Response

Start with a #1 gentle, kind response, "No, thank you" or "I'm uncomfortable with how you're speaking to me." You can use this as much as you want or as many times as you want. This should be your most frequent response in your home and work relationships.

#2 - Assertive Response

If you are still repeatedly getting ignored or mistreated, move to a #2 assertive response, "I said No" or "I really need to be heard" or "This is unacceptable with how I am being treated" or "If you cannot speak to me with more respect, I'm going to need to leave this conversation," or "We are going to need to have a safety contract." Call in a manager, alert HR, get legal help, BFF, etc...

#3 - Aggressive Response

Then if you're still not getting heard and respected, move to a #3 aggressive response, "NO!" Your voice is firm, raised, and very direct. You are using firm hand gestures (I'm not referring to your middle finger:), and you are putting distance between you and the unsafe behavior. Your body can be used to defend and fight for yourself if needed. As you can appreciate, the #3 response is hopefully the least used response unless you are in danger and fighting for your safety. This is a good time to consider if you need a protector, like a supportive man/girlfriend, your boss, the police, etc... But now is when you have to give yourself permission to fight for yourself if your life is in danger. If you are moving to a #3 in a domestic relationship, consider getting some professional services. Being in this chronic fight of flight is hard on the woman's mental, emotional, and physical health.

Develop clear, concise boundaries to what you are saying "No" to and don't forget to enforce them. Here's a few of my boundaries: no ignoring, disrespecting, bullying, or using me. If this happens to me, there will be a clear "No thank you." Even if I don't or can't voice it out-loud, I voice it in my head. Boundaries is how we hold onto our power.

 Ok Beauties, here's to growing in strength and beauty!  

Cheering you on,

Dr. Jenn

Give the Gift of L O V E.

Happy Holidays Lovelies!

Give the gift of love this year. Learn how to live in love by speaking the truth about who you are, instead of what you fear yourself to be. A book that has had a profound impact on me in teaching me how to love better is "The Love Code: The Secret Principle to Achieving Success in Life, Love, and Happiness" by Alexander Loyd.

Here's part of my daily meditation he provides in his book that helps me stay centered:

Re-programming statements

"The Love Code" pg 145

1. I desire and pray/ ask to believe the whole truth and only the truth about who and what I am, and who and what I’m not.

2. I desire and pray/ ask to act on and believe the whole truth and only the truth about my current circumstances, not lies based on internal untruths in my programming.

3. I desire and pray/ ask to believe the whole truth and only the truth in my heart, soul, spirit, and mind, and no longer believe anything that is untrue.

4. I desire and pray/ ask to give up the pain/ pleasure way of looking at my life in order to live in integrity and have the best life for me.

5. I desire and pray/ ask to think, feel, believe, act, and do everything in love, not fear—in my heart, spirit, soul, mind, and body.

6. I desire and pray/ ask to give up the fear, falsehood, and rejection regarding my security, acceptance, and safety, so that I can have security, acceptance, and safety.

 7. I desire and pray/ ask to give up insignificance, un-forgiveness, judgment, false identity, and false self-worth so that I can have significance, forgiveness, non-judgment, true identity, and true self-worth.

8. I desire and pray/ ask to give up the wrong beliefs of superiority and inferiority about who and what I am, in order to experience the truth about who I really am, which is fantastic, but no better or worse than anyone else.

9. I desire and pray/ ask to give up unhealthy control designed to ensure a certain end result so that I will have faith, trust, hope, and belief and therefore have the best results in my life.

10. I desire and pray/ ask to give up reacting out of pain and pleasure and respond in truth and love.

11. I desire and pray/ ask to live in the present moment in love regardless of the results.

12. I desire and pray/ ask to give up achieving success, happiness, and health so that I can be successful, happy, and healthy.
 

Have a merry Christmas & a happy new year and keep up the lovin'!

Cheering you on,

Dr. Jenn

Does this resonate with you??

Hello NuShu Sisters!

A little creative inspiration for you to grow love and not fear by keeping good boundaries.

Fear Grows

Boundary violations

11/6/19

He bruises her heart

his words make her black and blue

Stop! Her hurt dives deep

She takes back her love

he says he'll stop but he scowls

Anger flings at her

Rage fends off her pain

head spins in fear and chaos

hand covers her heart

She must leave to live

Bullies rage and feign to love

Promises broken

Mistrust mars marriage

fear replaces love and cheats

Sorry! Yet no change

When NO is not heard

Love cannot find roots to grow

Love leaves as fear grows

by JDH

May you live with and in love as we drive fear far from us.

Cheering you on,

Dr. Jenn

What is your story....

When Nushu was developed many years ago, it was so women could share their stories. They would write, speak, draw or sing songs of their hurts, hopes, fears, and dreams. They healed by telling their stories in a language only women could understand to women who knew and cared. To leave a legacy that proved their existence, they wrote these stories in Nushu and passed them on to their daughters. I'm sure these tales of old held echoes of stories today as they shared about mistreatment in their homes, cruel abuses, looming fears, future dreams, and hopes for their daughters. In those dark days, they lived better because they shared their stories together. Over and over again, we see the power of a story that creates movements, heals nations, and restores relationships.

We all have a story to share. Would you like to share your story? In what artform do you want to share it? A drawing perhaps? Poetry? Writing? Music? Photography? This is the heart of the Nushu language and the mission of NuShu Sisters. We share our stories to educate, advocate and inspire women to come together and support the brave sisters we are, growing in our strength and beauty.

Share your stories by commenting below or sharing this blog online and let's start a global conversation of how we as women LIVE. 

Below is a Haiku poem I wrote for my story of how I recovered me, loved me better, and learned to LIVE.

 Love Her Well

In a nearby place

A woman grows from a girl

Laughter turns to tears

Those who claim to love

turn from sweet to sour tastes

using her for them

They steal her away

As they take what isn't theirs

They make her fears real

Grins turn upside down

Turning giggles into cries

Reaching for true love

She gasps and grasps hard

Looking for sweetness once more

Coming up empty

Run! sweet little one

Go back to the laughter days

Love the little girl

Reach hard for her heart

Then take her small hand in yours

So precious once more.

Cheering you on,

Dr. Jenn

Pssst....SHE IS BACK!

Hello NuShu Sisters!

I'm baaaaack! I took time-out to leave my office a bit and check out the rest of the globe. Having completed my doctorate program, traveling to 15 countries and graduating last May, I’m ecstatic to be done with my very challenging 3-year program. In my travels, I discovered so many amazing leaders, programs, and fabulous men and women making significant changes for our kind.

One of my favorite encounters was meeting Trymore in a downtown street market of Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe. He had no idea what I did but he knew I was traveling for my leadership program. He proceeded to tell me about his leadership dreams and how his nation is in peril because of how poorly they treat their women. So in response to this, aside from running the downtown markets, he also runs "HeShe" classes where he teaches men how to treat women and empowers women to be strong and independent. His name is fitting for despite how his country is falling apart around him, he is "trying more" to make his country a better place for women. He created a painting illustrating women to be the backbone or the spine of the country. Trymore was careful to point out how the women standing closely together looked like a spine and the babies they carried on their backs were the men to be. It hangs proudly in my dining room.  

After I listened to him, I told him about NuShu Sisters, to which he passionately responded, "We need to bring NuShu Sisters to Zimbabwe." Maybe Trymore...maybe. He may not know it, but Trymore is helping us build NuShu Nation where we all, regardless of gender, treat each other with love, dignity, and respect as we partner together to make great communities.

What an exciting year this has been for women! Setting us off, the Women's March in 2019 has helped dub this "The Era of Women", so I believe it has never been a better time to be a woman. NuShu Sisters is on the move and we have a positive message to send. My amazing daughter, McKenna is hitting homeruns on social media for us so check us out, like us, and share the love.

In celebration of resuming NuShu Sisters, I wrote a little diddy...a Haiku poem. This has become an easy and fun way for me to share my thoughts. Enjoy!

{ Beauty Rising }

11/6/19

When beauty rises

Greatness blooms fearlessly

Love covers her well

As the beauty comes

Nothing can compete with her

For she lives with strength

Laughing at the fears

She plays deep into the night

Safe from harm within

Nothing keeps her down

She is Her and life to all

Beauty has risen

 by Dr. Jenn

More to come...keep watching for us. We are on the rise.

Sharing inspiration,

Dr. Jenn